Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Nearing the end

And by that I mean both the Tapestry Mittens and my month of penitential project-completing. Getting back in the habit of knitting (and writing) has done me a world of good. I feel like I have a sense of purpose during my free time that was definitely lacking before.


I'm starting to feel a bit... lonely. I enjoy writing this for its own sake-- I really do-- but I would be, well, thrilled to have readers. And yet... I am EXTREMELY reluctant to ask anyone over to visit. There are a number of reasons for this, none of them particularly good:
  1. The Venn diagram of knitters I know and blog readers I know has very little overlap. That means I have to talk to strangers. Despite being a thirty-year-old functioning adult with more than a handful of friends and accomplishments, I am still afraid of talking to strangers.
  2. The few people I strong-armed into reading this so far are either very, very dear friends or married to me. I'm not sure I'm charming, insightful, or talented enough for a broader audience.
  3. The internet sort of scares me. Additionally, I worry that life is becoming too virtual. I realize that people can interact online in a very sincere, normal way, but I guess I'm still not comfortable with that. Yet I have a blog.
  4. Self-promotion does not come easily to me (see #1 & #2) and therefore seems an awful lot like work. I have no idea how to be my own agent/publicist, nor am I sure I want to learn.
  5. If I manage to convince people to read this, it adds additional pressure to keep writing. Like I said, these are not good reasons.
So there you have my pitiful bundle of insecurities. I still haven't decided whether my irrational desire for an audience outweighs any of these irrational fears. While I ponder, I'm going to enjoy some stockinette-in-the-round.

So Zen, so soothing

No comments:

Post a Comment